Something shifted in how we communicate, and most of us didn't notice until it was already gone.
I'm not talking about the obvious stuff—yes, we're all on our phones too much. That's been covered. What I'm interested in is subtler: the way we've lost the ability to sit with disagreement, to be curious about someone whose views don't match our own.
The Comfort of Confirmation
We've optimized for agreement. Our feeds show us what we already believe. Our friend groups self-select for shared opinions. Even our dating apps filter for political compatibility before we've shared a single meal.
"The algorithm doesn't want you uncomfortable. Discomfort means less engagement."
This feels safe. It feels efficient. But it's making us brittle.
What We're Losing
Real relationships require friction. Not conflict for its own sake, but the productive tension of two different perspectives trying to understand each other. That's where intimacy lives—in the gap between "I see it this way" and "help me understand how you see it."
When we eliminate that gap preemptively, we're not protecting ourselves. We're stunting ourselves.
Finding Our Way Back
The path forward isn't complicated, but it is uncomfortable. It means staying in conversations we'd rather exit. It means asking questions when we'd rather make points. It means treating curiosity as more valuable than being right.
I don't know if we'll choose that path. But I know what we lose if we don't.